


could've followed my fears all the way down

by lifewasradical



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Fear of Heights, First Kiss, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, I ripped so many lines from their actual dialogue in the video, Like actually everything that Luke says is word for word what he says in the video, M/M, Panic Attacks, Stress!, Takes place on the South Korea trip, this was fun to write tbh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-27
Updated: 2021-01-27
Packaged: 2021-03-12 18:35:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,467
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29015214
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lifewasradical/pseuds/lifewasradical
Summary: Calum knows this is a bad idea from the moment that they step foot into the elevator. He can see the way that Michael bounces back and forth on the balls of his feet, wringing his hands together nervously. He rolls his shoulders back, trying to ease the tension there as Luke and Ashton talk into the cameras, making random comments about the height of the elevator and how cool it’ll be to look down at the city.Or, 5sos visit the Seoul Sky and Michael hates heights.
Relationships: Michael Clifford/Calum Hood
Comments: 7
Kudos: 29





	could've followed my fears all the way down

**Author's Note:**

  * For [jbhmalum](https://archiveofourown.org/users/jbhmalum/gifts).



> Hello hello! this was requested by the lovely [Taylor](https://michaelownsmyheart.tumblr.com) . based off of [this](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ACSbF5FQjM4&feature=youtu.be) video from 5sos in South Korea. this was so so fun to write and unlike anything I've done before, so thank you for sharing the idea with me! I really hope you like it 💜
> 
> title from this is me trying by Taylor Swift

Calum knows this is a bad idea from the moment that they step foot into the elevator. He can see the way that Michael bounces back and forth on the balls of his feet, wringing his hands together nervously. He rolls his shoulders back, trying to ease the tension there as Luke and Ashton talk into the cameras, making random comments about the height of the elevator and how cool it’ll be to look down at the city. 

Calum doesn’t like heights very much, but his distaste of being up in the air is nothing compared to Michael’s. Michael is the person who won’t look out the windows on an airplane and won’t open the shades in his hotel rooms when they’re staying higher than the 4th floor. He wants absolutely nothing to do with being off the ground if he can help it at all. 

Yet here they are at Seoul Sky for some South Korean tv show, something that Calum can’t really remember. All he knows is they’re steadily climbing an elevator that's bringing them to the 117th floor of the Lotte World Tour and Michael is already starting to panic, despite being in an elevator where they can’t even see outside yet. 

They all fill the empty space by commenting about the skyline and the sights and whatever else, but Calum is only focused on Michael. Michael, who’s standing next to Calum and practically vibrating with energy. He has his hands clasped together, twiddling his fingers nervously as the number on the screen rises with each floor. 

“Are you okay?” Calum whispers, hoping he can get away with not being caught by the cameras. They’re being recorded at all times, selfie-stick-like devices in their hands while another person mans an actual camera, capturing their every move. 

Michael nods, just a small movement of his head, but it’s enough to confirm that no, he really isn’t okay, but he’s going to pretend to be for show. Calum threads his hand behind Michael’s back, grabbing a fistfull of his shirt to help ground him. He feels the way that Michael exhales slowly through his mouth, just parted enough to go by undetected. 

When they reach their floor, Ashton whoops a little with excitement, practically flying out of the elevator. Luke follows behind, grinning wildly as they approach their destination. 

Calum hangs back a little bit, watching the way that Michael takes tentative steps towards the glass floor, eyes wide and terrified. “Are you sure you want to do this, Michael?” Calum asks, falling into step with Michael. 

Calum can hear Michael swallow loudly, nodding dramatically as if that’s going to convince Calum that he’s okay. Calum doesn’t believe him for a moment.

“You’re not gonna like this, Michael,” Luke calls from ahead, standing confidently on the glass. Michael lets out little breaths as he inches forward, keeping a safe distance from the terrors below. Luke and Ashton skip and trapeze across the floor as if there’s no danger to it at all. Calum isn’t necessarily afraid, but he doesn’t like the way that they’re so careless about something that could be catastrophic. 

“Oh that’s horrifying,” Calum laughs humorlessly, running a hand over his head as he reaches the edge himself. He tries not to look down, wanting to be brave for Michael and keep him grounded as much as possible. He takes a quick look at Michael, seeing him biting his nails to keep himself occupied. 

“Oh no,” Michael says, finally kneeling down to peer over the edge just enough to see their height. Calum can see the way he’s shaking, almost imperceptible through the layers of his clothing. His hands slide slightly against the glass from how clammy they are. 

From ahead, Luke snickers under his breath. Calum looks up, ready to fight to defend Michael, but instead sees that Luke is laughing at something Ashton is doing, neither of them paying any attention to Michael. It calms him, just slightly, to know that the others aren’t going to make a big deal of Michael’s stress. 

Ashton finally looks over at them, eyes trained in on Calum. Calum sighs, knowing very well that Ashton is going to try to make this some kind of opportunity to “grow and learn and try new things” but Calum wants to stay rooted right next to Michael. 

“Come on Cal!” Ashton calls, tugging on his arm to bring him out into the middle of the glass. 

“I’m gonna walk in the middle, so this way if it does break, I’m not going to fall to my death like you fools,” Calum laughs, taking baby steps across the glass. 

“Calum don’t do it, don’t do it, it’s a trap,” Michael warns. He sounds like he’s playing it up for the cameras, but when Calum looks over his shoulder, he sees the legitimate fear in Michael’s eyes. He’s holding two pamphlets in front of his face, covering the way that he’s biting on his lip with nerves. 

Luke grabs onto Calum’s other wrist, pulling him farther away from the safety (and Michael). Adrenaline rushes through Calum’s veins as he shuffles forwards, barely making progress as he’s still led out to his death. 

Calum looks to his left, taking in the way that Michael is following his lead, shuffling across the beam. A surge of pride runs through him at the sight, taking in the way that Michael is trying to overcome the fear, even if it might kill him. Calum can see the color drained from Michael’s face and the shake of his hands from a few feet away and aches to reach out and comfort him.

“Hey, you’re killin’ it!” Luke praises Michael, sending him a soft smile when he reaches the other side, far away from solid ground. Michael shoots Luke an appreciative smile when he rounds his left, sandwiching him between Luke and Calum, as if that’ll somehow save him from danger. 

Calum lets himself be sucked in by the view, twinkling city lights out ahead of them. It’s breathtaking, experiencing a city from a way they never have before. He’s struck suddenly by a strong surge of gratitude that this is what they get to do, experience new and exciting things everyday. Even moreso, he’s thankful that he can do this with his brothers by his side, especially Michael. 

“I’m staying right in the middle, Cal don’t leave, don’t leave me,” Michael says, voice shaking slightly as it breaks through Calum’s thoughts. He tries to force out some laughs, but Calum can see right through it, knowing that Michael is slowly getting to the point where he’s going to snap. Michael reaches out blindly for Calum’s hand, seeking comfort. Calum won’t comment on how sweaty his hands are, instead he just grips on tightly, holding on for dear life. 

There’s a gust of air that rattles the panes a little bit and though he knows that it's safe, Calum can’t help but be terrified of the sound. He knows that Michael feels the same way by the way he gasps with furrowed eyebrows. 

“That’s it, I’m out, I can’t, “ Michael whines, all but running back to solid ground. He drops Calum’s hand as he leaves, quickly bending over as soon as he’s back, hands on his knees as he heaves in deep breaths of air. 

Calum shuffles his way back too, followed by Luke and Ashton who won’t stop talking about how fun this is. Somewhere in the back of his mind, Calum is happy that they’re having so much fun, but he also wants to smack them both across the head for adding to the panic that Michael is feeling. 

They’re instructed to stand facing the skyline to talk about their experiences throughout the day or something like that, Calum only half listening as he watches Michael out of the corner of his eye. He sees the way Michael is itching to run to the elevator, to get the hell away from the edge as he’s breathing unevenly still. His hands twitch around the papers and Calum has to restrain himself from reaching out to take his arm. 

The second the cameras stop rolling, Michael takes off towards the elevators alone. There’s a brief pause where no one else moves, everyone just staring at the space where Michael was standing. 

“Um,” Luke interrupts, speaking to the attendants working with them, “Is it possible for Calum and Michael to take the elevator down before us? Just the two of them? Ashton and I can hang out for a minute.”    
  
Calum shoots Luke a perplexed look, completely caught off guard by the situation as the attendant nods and gestures for Calum to walk. He opens his mouth to object but Ashton beats him to it, “Go help him, I’m pretty sure you’re the only person Michael wants to see right now.”

Calum swallows, nodding and turning to follow after Michael. Calum finds him pacing in front of the closed doors, muttering something to himself and pulling at the bracelets on his wrist. Calum presses the elevator doors and walks inside, beckoning Michael inside too. When he follows, Calum closes the doors and presses the button for the lobby. 

“Where’s everyone else?” Michael huffs, words catching in his throat through the thinly concealed panic. His cheeks are flushed pink and his eyes rimmed red, barely hiding the fact that he was crying at some point. Calum wants to wrap him up and protect him from any harm, keeping him away from the stress of the world.

“Thought it would be better if it was just us. What’s going on?” Calum asks, pressing himself against the walls to give Michael as much space as he needs. 

Michael laughs, more of just a burst of air than anything else, but looks at the ceiling. “I’m such a fucking coward,” he whispers, keeping his gaze away from Calum. 

“Mike-” 

“No, I really am. I’m so fucking weak that I couldn’t do something fun with the rest of you without throwing myself into a fucking panic attack. I feel pathetic, because I can’t do a single thing right ever. I can’t even just have a fun day sightseeing without being worked up over something. And I bet that I ruined it for you too because you were all worried about what I was doing instead of paying attention to the view. I’m a fucking failure. You’re all better off leaving me here and just continuing on without me because I ruin everything I touch and it’s not fair to anyone else that I just drag you all down.”

Calum debates his next move carefully, watching the way that Michael paces back and forth across the small space in the elevator. He doesn’t want to reach out and touch him, just in case that triggers some other kind of reaction, but he also can’t ignore the fact that Michael is seconds from imploding on himself. 

  
“What can I do to help?” he asks instead, desperate to find a spot to hold onto. Michael stops, still physically shaking with the intensity of his emotions. 

“You can’t fucking help, Calum, I’m fucked up and I can’t do anything right because my brain is broken and everything just sucks.” 

Calum stays quiet, taking a half step forward into the space he had dedicated for Michael alone. The slight intrusion gets Michael’s attention, bringing him away from the panic in his mind as the elevator continues its slow descent. 

“Distract me, please,” Michael finally says, looking down at his hands to keep himself occupied. 

It only takes Calum a split second to decide what he wants to do, between the pitiful downturn of Michael’s lips and the rapidly increasing tears clouding his vision. Calum knows it might completely backfire on him in the end, but he also needs something that will fully distract Michael and considering they’re in a 12 foot wide box, there really isn’t much that Calum can do. 

So he steps forward, grabs both of Michael’s cheeks, and kisses him square on the lips. 

There’s a moment of awkward nothingness, where Calum doesn’t quite know if he’s overstepped a boundary and Michael doesn’t react at all, but then he’s moving his lips, just a tiny bit, to engage in the kiss. Calum feels all the stress leave his body then, getting stuck on other floors as they continue to solid ground. Calum makes a move to pull away, thinking that he might have fulfilled Michael’s wish of distracting him, but Michael whines and holds him in the embrace. 

And while it wasn’t exactly the first kiss that Calum had dreamed about, he’s not all that upset by it, over all. It’s memorable, something that neither of them would ever be able to forget even years down the line. And when the need for air outweighs the want to stay together, they break apart. Carefully, Calum opens his eyes and surveys the damage he may have done here. 

Instead, he finds hope in Michael’s eyes, something softer and more lovestruck in the place that used to be dedicated to anxiety and worry. Calum much prefers this look to the one that had been floating around before. 

“Did that work?” Calum whispers, close enough to see the slight sheen on Michael’s lips. Michael’s forehead crinkles slightly with the force of his laugh, eyes squinting with amusement. 

Michael takes Calum’s hand and presses it to his chest, right over his heart. Calum can feel the soft beats below, nothing like the rapid irregular beat that comes when Michael is panicking. Michael bites his lip to hold back the smile, “Feeling a lot more calm now.” 

Calum can’t help but sigh in relief, turning his hand to hold Michael’s lightly. Neither of them say a word, just sharing the moment before it inevitably bursts the second that the doors open. He’s not sure that either of them know what this means, nor are they prepared to talk about it, but he likes the feeling of Michael’s hand in his. He loves the look on Michael’s face, dopey and smiling, compared to the panic that had been there before. 

And maybe Luke and Ashton send them knowing smiles when they finally make their way down a few minutes later, staring at the way their hands are clasped together. They’re kind enough not to say anything, at least not now while they’re in public, but Calum knows that someone will give them shit the moment they’re back in the hotel room. 

Calum doesn’t mind though, as long as he’s allowed to protect Michael from any negative experiences for the foreseeable future. And based on the private smile on Michael’s face, he thinks that they’re on the same page with this one. 

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Talk to me on Tumblr [lifewasradical](https://lifewasradical.tumblr.com) 💜


End file.
